Welcome to my little corner of the world, this is where I rant, rave, kvetch or wax on nostalgic about anything and anyone that crosses my path at that moment in time.
Sit down for a bit and read some. If you enjoy what you read, please pass the love on to others so that they may partake in the yummy goodness that lies here.

Saturday, January 31, 2009


I'm not a big fan of drama. I like movie/tv/book drama, but petty life drama, not a big fan of.

I don't care who slept with who, so-and-so should do that, or because you felt slighted because of some sort of 'argument'.

Get over it.

I'm tired of hearing it. If you have something to say to someone, say it to them. Don't go around armchair quarterbacking someone else's life. You don't know their situation in life, what kind of shit they may be going through or what they may have gone through in their past. Everyone has there own life to live, stop bitching about someone else's; focus on your own life that you need to live.

You are not perfect, I see this; trust me I do. I tire of hearing about some of the trivial bullshit in your life, I really don't give a fuck. Trust me, I will listen to what you have to say; I won't interrupt you or get angry, but I am really getting full of some of the bullshit that I am being fed lately.

Just know this, I care muchs for my friends, but snide remarks about mutuals are starting get on my nerves.

Once you become without sin, you may start casting those stones that you seem to chip of your shoulder.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Wiki-How Crush Twist


I noticed this wiki-how, was curious as to what it was and thusly clicked on its link. Skimmed over the words that sat before me and had an immense urge to be a very sarcastic bastard by twisting the answers with my own sense of perverted humor that should be humorous, but that is probably an over statement.

Of course that being said, DO NOT take this seriously. It is meant as a joke, sort of.

My additions are in italics and in red, just in case someone may be confused about it.

Examine why the crush is a bad idea. Why should the crush be a bad idea? First, ask yourself why you would be so interested in this particular person over all others. Usually when I am interested in someone over someone else, it usual has to do with either looks or perhaps something greater like intelligence…yeah, like it is ever that. Obviously, there is the primal attraction factor - there are just certain people you will find attractive, whether it's appropriate or not. I just said that. But the key here is to voice your objections in a way that your sense of propriety hears you. Huh? If she's a lot younger than you are, why are you interested in a young woman whose interests and priorities will be very different from your own? For the sense of adventure and the much younger tail. If you are into a guy who works for you, are you more into the idea that you can call the shots than the actual person? Wouldn’t that be a bad idea? I mean sexual harassment and all? If you have a crush on your brother's girlfriend, is it more about getting one over on your brother than actual interest in the girl? Hells, yeah.

Project the potential fallout. If you were to get involved with this person, how would the fallout affect you? Probably like any other fallout, if it fails. Her/Him? Your friends, family, co-workers? Who cares what they think? If you live your life questioning every little thing that you do, or wish to do, you will be an indecisive shell of a person that always will second guess themselves. Think as if it were a chess game - visualize the next several moves: "If I do this, then s/he will do that; then my brother will hate me; then the first time we argue I will lose my job; then I will die homeless and penniless and nobody else but my parents will ever love me." Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine coming out of a care bears ass? Well, it might not really be that dire, but you get the idea. Is the potential relationship with this person worth all the trouble you will endure, and what are the chances the relationship would survive all of the chaos that will ensue? Have you ever taken a chance in your miserable life? Seriously, I may not be the most experienced in the world of love and my advice here may not be what I would personally take, but I would not be posting stuff on the internet that seems to want to make everyone that would read it a miserable cur such as ones apparent self.

Consider your reputation. What will other people think – will they think more, or less of you? What? Who cares what the hell other people think, it is not their fucking business what goes on in my or anybodies else’s private lives. It's not cool to try to steal your buddy's girl. No, but sure could be fun. You might end up with her, but you will lose your friend. Not if you’re my friend. Oh, wait; you’ve probably never had a girlfriend. If you're older, and the boy is a minor, you will be considered a cradle-robber - and on top of that, if you actually pursue that relationship into a sexual situation, you could be looking at jail. Unless you are Catholic and he is an altar boy, then it is perfectly fine. Sex with a minor is worse than inappropriate - it's a crime. You may be feeling warm fuzzies when you look at that middle schooler, Mr. High School Sophomore, but if you think you can take a 12-year-old to the prom, think about how your peers will look at you. What if they are good friends from church? Hmmm, What then? They'll think you couldn't get someone your own age - you had to go for someone a lot younger, not as savvy, not as sophisticated, and not as educated. Educated? I didn’t know that many high schoolers that were very sophisticated or for that matter more educated than some middle schoolers. That's not a good way to be looked at by your peers. And it's nothing compared to what the adults (especially her parents) will be thinking. Again, what if they are friends outside of school?

Think about your future. If you get involved with someone inappropriate, you will not just be dealing with problems now. You will be dealing with the fallout far - maybe years - into the future. Ok, I thought we were talking about a crush and maybe some light dating, not a full fledged life long relationship. Not to mention that as a general rule of thumb I don’t go letting any casual girlfriends have access to my credit cards, bank accounts or my money laundering businesses. Let's say the person you are crazy about is really kind of a ... well... not very nice person. The word you’re looking for is bitch. She's nice to you, but she isn't very nice to your friends or relatives. It is called a Rising Bitch Slap, puts them in their place. You start ditching your friends and family to spend time with her. We all fucking do that. She's super flaky, and you become flaky, too - going back on your word because she wasn't willing to do whatever it was you promised you'd do - and won't let you do it, either. If you do that, then you had no character to begin with. Even after you break up with her, everyone you know will still view you with distrust. They may question your earnestness when making plans, but in time they will come back around. Anyways, you were flaky; it wasn’t like you tortured an indigenous tribe in New Guinea for the thrill of it or like you stole their valuables from their home. They will question your judgment for ever getting involved with someone like that in the first place. Sorry, true friends will only be glad you are finally out of such a bad relationship.

Distract yourself. Now that you've analyzed, considered, and really meditated upon how terrible this idea is, you need to stop obsessing on this person. Sorry, can’t do that, I like the pain. No matter how tempting it is to think about him/her, fantasize, and get yourself all tingly doing it, stop it. Mmmmmm, tingly. Do something else. Your mom available? Oh, you said something, not someone. My bad, apologizes. In loose psychological terms, it's called redirecting behaviors and thought patterns. Train yourself to think about something else every time you start thinking about him/her - think of being at Disneyland. Are we trying to hold back an ejaculation or going to be fighting Rocky? Think of being on a train with your family. Yeah, think about being on something that can be a phallic symbol. Think of being a superhero. Like Batman? Whatever. What? It was a valid question. Just think about something else. Turn on the radio or TV, and get some other thoughts running through your head. Like them nekkid? If you still feel yourself reverting to thoughts of your forbidden crush, call a friend. According to you, I won’t have any friends after this dame is through with me. Go see that friend - get out of the house and out of your head. Out of my head? I never had an out of body experience before.

Avoid the person. If you can remove yourself from that person as much as possible, the crush will weaken. Damn, we can’t be friends anymore. In order to sustain our adoration for someone, we generally need to reinforce it by seeing the person. Personally I enjoy standing outside a window in the bushes naked. (Absence usually doesn't make the heart grow fonder, actually.) Says you. Of course, this isn't always practical, but do what you can to minimize contact with the other person. Place them in a box and ship them to Abhu Dhabi.

Focus on the negative. Almost by definition, a crush involves an idealized picture of someone else. This may work if the crush is fresh, but if it is entrenched, it won’t necessarily work. But everyone is human, and even your crush has characteristics that are probably not pleasant. Like poor hygiene and gas? Perhaps he says mean things to people, or maybe she listens to music that you think is dumb. Or perhaps he or she merely ignores you. If you haven’t done anything to make yourself known to them, they just may ignore you. Try to work up some negative energy about the person that you can focus on in order to weaken the crush. So if you are truly obsessed, you may end up lashing out towards them which could really endear yourself to them. That was sarcasm by the way.

Wait it out. All crushes fade with time. If you can avoid doing something regrettable and keep your feelings in check, eventually those powerful emotions will run their course. Ask them out, if they say no, move on. That is a sure fire way to cure a crush.

Ask someone else out. After you ask your ‘crush’ out first. It doesn't matter if that person does not measure up to your "wrong crush." What does matter is that you spend some time in the pleasant company of someone other than that person. Why do you keep thinking that the other person is unpleasant? You only have a crush on them, but for some reason you think that they are all wrong. Start dating others, and keep an open mind. That person is off limits to you, and you have to start re-wiring your brain to think about being with someone else. They are only off-limits if there is a restraining order involved and then it is only for so many feet.

Make it right. Let's face it: sometimes, you can't convince yourself that you don't feel the way you feel. If you've tried to fight it, all to no avail, and you still find yourself sighing over him/her, then make it right. There are ways to make an inappropriate crush totally appropriate - the most important thing to remember is to make it right FIRST - and then, and only then - get involved. And then, true love wins the day! What the FUCK!!! This entire time, you have been telling us that our crush is wrong and now you are telling us that it can be right?

I need to go smoke a cigarette. I’m fucking pissed right now. Take five, smoke one yourself, rub one out, drink a beer or whatever for five.

Ok, I’m back.

I can’t believe this crap, the entire time it is ‘inappropriate’ and you should do everything in your power to stop it or forget about it because somehow you will lose everything in your life; but now, since you can’t seem to stop this crush, just turn into it and ask them out. Seriously, if you wanted to have any cred to this, you would have just kept with the whole ‘your life will be fucking ruined’ bit and then did another Wiki-how that could be the entire opposite of this shit.

Of course, if you did another Wiki-how, I may find it as fucked up as this one and be spurred to fuck with it much the same.

Back to Wiki…

    • If she's your brother's girl, then you have to behave as a gallant gentleman, and never hit on her. If your brother breaks up with her, you can ask your brother if he'd mind you asking her out. Maybe he wouldn't mind, and there certainly is precedent for it. If he doesn't break up with her, or if he won't give you permission, you're out of luck unless you are prepared to accept the consequences - your brother may not speak to you. Fair enough, that is sound advice. Just remember though, they are blood and won’t be mad forever.
    • If you're interested in someone much younger, wait for him/her. Don't get involved with anyone. Wow, that is the life I want to lead. Bide your time, remain friendly, but don't get too close. Love him or her from afar until it is appropriate. Stalker much? For example, you are Mr. High School Sophomore and she is Miss 6th Grade Middle School. You will need to graduate from High School, go on to college, and maintain a friendly relationship with little Miss 6GMS until she is close to the end of high school herself. Once you are both finished with High School a 5-year age difference becomes unimportant - but while she is a minor, it could be deadly to your future. And then, what good would you be to her? Yeah, because no one stays together for love anymore, it just for the money.
    • If you are into a subordinate, let him know of your interest, but you must agree that one of you must transfer to another department, or one of you must resign (assuming that the feeling is mutual, of course) before you can act on your feelings and develop a personal relationship. Dipping your pen into the company ink well is not a very good idea, but resign? In this day and age, neither party will resign and put their career on hold just to date someone in their company.

Ok, that is the end for me. This is the most stupid thing I read to begin with and felt it was my patriotic duty to fuck with it. Some of it hopefully funny and the rest hopefully to enlighten others to the truth to go ask their crush out.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Pre-Testing Your Child For Drugs

Another day, another dollar; or so they say.

Once again I sit here at work with my distractions; a radio, a book, a pen and paper. Which means invariably so that there is a good chance that there will be something that will catch my attention that will spur me to write.

Today it is a radio commercial about drug testing your child before the school does. Find out before the school does or some crap like that it says.

Now I'm not totally against drug testing for high school athletes and only then for steroids, not for anything else. Now, if a student got tested and that test came back positive for something other than steroids, I feel that the student should be counseled by their coach and at the coach's discretion, perhaps then the parents should be notified. It would be the coach's discretion to kick the student off of the team, but that could send the student into more drug abuse, whereas keeping them on could be an outlet for their problems and curb the drug use.

Don't start thinking that I am some sort of anti-drug, I am against the hardcore stuff; coke, meth and the like, but believe that marijuana has been criminalized too much. Mostly I believe that what people do in their private lives is no concern of the rest of the world, as long as it doesn't place themselves or others in harm's way.

Back to the commercial.

It is basically a product/service that tells a parent that they cannot trust their children, that they should pre-test them before the school does.

I have two very fundamental reasons as to why this is wrong.

1. It is not the school's right.

It isn't. The only right the school should have is to test the students involved in athletics and only to test for steroids, as stated above. For testing the general population of students, it is an infringement of their rights. It is not the school's business to know what their students do in their free time away from school functions or the school itself. If a student is using or selling at school or school functions and gets caught, then that is on the student, but to be busted by an infringement of their rights, is not.

2. Parents trust.

If the parents have raised their child or children with an incorruptible teaching of right and wrong; and feel that they can trust their kids, pre-testing is a moot point. Granted, yes a child can fall into the 'wrong' crowd and indulge into drugs, but there will be signs and every parent should research these signs to be able to recognize them if they must. Even if a child falls into the 'wrong' crowd, a parent should not worry as long as they have instilled in the a strong sense of right and wrong.

To feel you must have your child tested for drugs, means that you as a parent have either no concern to learn the warning signs or you would rather have someone else tell you.

If you found out how would you react if it was positive? Over react? Call the police? Talk with them?

The first two are the wrong path to take and could only further distance your child from you and push them further into drugs. Talking to them is the best way and if necessary, family counseling to get to the root of the problem.

Just think about this, a pre-test could just show an experimentation that the child may not have liked and may never commit again.

Shouldn't you trust the way you brought them up?

By the way, I have never indulged in drugs. I have never felt the need to. I was educated by the usage of drugs by family members and being talked to by my mother about the dangers and repercussions of them. Also, the massive anti-drug campaign in the 80's and 90's didn't hurt either.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Unborn

This is my unbiased review of the movie The Unborn.

Ok, so it isn't going to be unbiased, so sue me and stop laughing.

The Unborn is not a scary movie. Though the previews would like you to think that it is, it is by far a truly scary movie. The premise of said movie, is some chic had a twin that died in utero and she is being stalked by a demon.

That is really all you need to know.

There is a weak ass plot that goes like this: demon starts stalking her; she starts seeing and hearing weird shit; she meets her grandmother, that she didn't know was alive; steals a book; has an exorcism; finds out she is pregnant; the end.

The entire movie relies on fast switching of the camera to a frame that is shocking, just to get the cheap 'aaaagggghhhh' out of you. Like early on you see a kid, shot of demon stalked girl, switch to shot of dog with a human mask on with electric blue eyes.

Someone screamed in the theater. No, really someone did a couple of times during this thing.

Anyways, electric blue eyes seem to be a something of a theme in the movie. Stalked girl starts getting them, demon has them, what the fuck is going on? I think they just hung out with Riddick to much and had their eyes glazed to be like all the cool kids.

There is no nudity, some covered up backside, but nothing is shown. There is a three second gratuitous camel toe shot early in the movie, but that is as close as you will get here.

The only saving grace of the movie is the actress; Odette Yustman, the one that is being stalked, is smoking hot. Smoking. If she was any hotter she would spontaneously combust.

If she did, would she rise from the ashes like a modern day Phoenix?

In fact, I have another more realistic reason for what happens in the movie, drugs.

Think about it. All of the girls friends, including herself, are in college. When is the best time to experiment with drugs and alcohol?

If you guess college, you get a shroom. Apparently that must have been what this chick was on, since she has more trips than Kenny Tarmac. She probably scored them from her pusher boyfriend, you know, to help her get in the mood or some shit.

Why not use a club over the head like the fucking cavemen did? Shit worked for them.

Her BFF, Romy, is into superstitions and shit, so you know she does weed or some shit like that. Fucking hippy.

Daddy is of course the supplier to to her precious beau. You only see him a couple of times in the movie and the rest of the time, he is out of town. Probably getting a load of X from the Scandinavians the entire time to give to beau upon his return.

Then of course there is the creepy kid that she baby sits for. If I happen to have a child like this, I'm going to throw him into a damn volcano as some sort of sacrifice. Not only is this kid creepy, but his head is ginormous and perfectly round to boot. He is like a real life Stewie, with the murderous impulses.

I rate this movie a -5 out of a 10, a fucking 10.

If you can tell me the movie that '10, a fucking 10' came from, you get a bonus point.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


I hate these commercials.

Absolutely fucking hate them.

Maybe 'loathe' would be a more fitting word, but 'hate' has that blunt feel as it smacks you in the face attribute to it.

Now you are gonna ask, "Why?"

First off the singer. He's the guy in high school that thought he was cool, but everyone actually hated. He had that smarmy arrogance about him that made you think that he thought he was better than everyone else. The one guy that could bind the jocks, nerds, stoners, goths and geeks into a singular conversation about how much of a douche bag he was. He could make sweet, innocent, bible toting Mary Jane use the word 'fuckwad' when describing him. You know that his future held only two paths for him; absolute success that would further make him a douche or an absolute failure that even then, he would still be a complete douche with an arrogance about how it wasn't his fault he failed.

Second, the premise of every commercial. Some hacker stole his identity. The douche probably gave it to some 900 number he dialed and forgot about it. Most hackers probably aren't going to hack into you measly IBM to steal your fucking identity. They are most likely doing more mundane things; like hacking adult sites for free porn. Douche's identity probably got yanked from some bum rifling through his trash.

Thirdly, the little story each commercial tells. Bad credit = bad job; bad credit = shitty car; wife's bad credit = no house; bad credit = riding bicycle; bad credit = living at a Renaissance fair.

Ok, let's break it down.

BC=BJ, bullshit. Douche's shitty attitude and poor work habits leads to bad job. Douche probably thinks that he is entitled to a good job because he has some sort of degree or some shit and it is owed him.

BC=SC; no, if Douche would get a better job, save some money, Douche would be able to afford a better car.

WBC=NH; it's what a fucking Douche deserves when you marry for elevation in society, you get fucked by her shopping habits in college. By the way, the drummer and bassist run the train on her when Douche is working the fish house.

BC=RB; well that's bullshit. Douche is only doing this to pick some new cause that is out there; so Douche is going 'green'. Douche probably rode around with a white whale in his car to 'save the whales', or is a vegan to protect all the precious animals.

What the fuck ever.

BC=LRF; I'm so over Douche, I just hope he gets fucked by a goat.

Writing this has inspired me, I'm going to go to my next high school reunion and I'm going to commit animal sacrifice in hope that our Douche will be there. 'Cause if he is, I'm gonna kick him right square in the nuts.

Then I'm gonna run a train on his hot wife.

Friday, January 9, 2009


It seems that anytime I figure that good fortune has smiled upon me, the sick twist of fate takes it away, to only tease me with it from time to time.

The universe mocks me in some odd fanciful way, like a sadistic child that tortures a poor frog till it is no more. It refuse to let me find love, to taste the sweet nectar of it. To feel the warmth of anothers love; their tender embraces; the sweet smell of their sweat.

It laughs at my attempts. My misreadings of all of my love interests, the numerous dating sites that I join; just to be ignored by all those I attempt to connect with. The only attention that I receiver is from spammers and would be scammers that would love nothing more than to seperate me from the little money that I have.

The only consolidation that I have is the fact that I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that there is someone out there for me. Perhaps I haven't met them yet. Perhaps the fates haven't placed us into a course to be able to meet. Perhaps we are already on that course on opposite ends of a swirling whirlpool being drawn inexplicably together without knowing that the other exists until that fateful day that we meet and fall instantly head over heels in love with each other.

I eagerly await that day.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009



A beautiful little word, isn't it? We Americans know this word very well, we practice it's belief and nuances on a daily basis. From speaking out about our heads of state, to being able to not have to worry about the police knocking on our doors, coming in and taking us away without any sort of due process or probable cause.

This isn't about any of that, this is about a yearning that has recently manifested itself and has grown to such a tremendous roar that I have to, I must, speak out about it.

I wish to be free.

You see I live in America, so I am free to an extent. I by no means am locked away as some sort of criminal, nor am I recently nor have I ever been on parole or probation of any sort. Yet, I still have this deep down desire to be more free than what I am now.

This yearning gnaws at my heart and pulls hard at me to step away from this existence of monetary hell. To be free from financial burdens, to not have any care in the world of expenses, to not have any monthly bills of any sort, to not ever have to work again but for only the simply pleasure of wanting to do it.

This is what I yearn.

Not ever having to wake up in the morning to have to trudge to work for a couple of hours for the stipend received. Not ever having to worry about whether or not to pay a bill or have food. Not ever having to worry about if I'll have enough hours at work to be able to continue on.

This is all to be blamed on a show on National Geographic or Discover Channel a few months ago. It was about these man made stone towers in Tibet that have been standing for hundreds to thousands of years. The thing is, it wasn't the towers that intrigued me, it was the absolute beauty of the place that caught my attention.

A place that I may never be able to visit for I am shackled to this current existence. For you see, I wish to travel, to see the world, to meet peoples that I may never be able to meet currently, to eat foods that my palate has never tasted.

Is this such a bad thing, to yearn these things? To see the beauty that the world has to offer?

How can I, this persona non grata, find the weighs and means to do this? I wish not to have money to have a big fancy house, nor to drive some fancy expensive automobile, but to see the beauty of the world with someone that wants the same.

Perhaps this is the source of all of this, is absolute loneliness. I have no one to share this with. Someone that is willing to, on a near whim, go forth to experience new things and sensations that neither of us have been privy to before.

A someone special as it were.

Perhaps someday....