Thinking

When I started this site it was gonna be a way for me to make money through ads; well, hopefully was the thinking but I don't have enough traffic for that to happen.  At the time, it was about random reflection or insight I was having, maybe some rants, reviews or some therapeutic post about some drama that I may have been having.  Nowadays, it is some of these type of posts, maybe some reflection or insight but mostly bits of fiction that I have been coming up with.

I of course still have the ads but am just not concerned with me making any money off of this thing or not.  If it happens, it happens; if not, then oh well.

When this all began, I was looking for Freedom.  Freedom from all things I felt shackled to, that is why the picture is of just that, a pair of shackles.  I was hoping to be free from all of those things.  Yet, I am still not.

Recently, I have been pondering was it Freedom that I was seeking?  I mean, money would help with a lot of the getting of this Freedom but would I still then be free?  Then I began to think what would grant me more Freedom and after a while, I think I came to an answer, Happiness.

Now I am looking for Happiness and along with this Happiness, I believe I shall find the Freedom that I have been seeking all along.

Freedom

Freedom.

A beautiful little word, isn't it? We Americans know this word very well, we practice it's belief and nuances on a daily basis. From speaking out about our heads of state, to being able to not have to worry about the police knocking on our doors, coming in and taking us away without any sort of due process or probable cause.

This isn't about any of that, this is about a yearning that has recently manifested itself and has grown to such a tremendous roar that I have to, I must, speak out about it.

I wish to be free.

You see I live in America, so I am free to an extent. I by no means am locked away as some sort of criminal, nor am I recently nor have I ever been on parole or probation of any sort. Yet, I still have this deep down desire to be more free than what I am now.

This yearning gnaws at my heart and pulls hard at me to step away from this existence of monetary hell. To be free from financial burdens, to not have any care in the world of expenses, to not have any monthly bills of any sort, to not ever have to work again but for only the simply pleasure of wanting to do it.

This is what I yearn.

Not ever having to wake up in the morning to have to trudge to work for a couple of hours for the stipend received. Not ever having to worry about whether or not to pay a bill or have food. Not ever having to worry about if I'll have enough hours at work to be able to continue on.

This is all to be blamed on a show on National Geographic or Discover Channel a few months ago. It was about these man made stone towers in Tibet that have been standing for hundreds to thousands of years. The thing is, it wasn't the towers that intrigued me, it was the absolute beauty of the place that caught my attention.

A place that I may never be able to visit for I am shackled to this current existence. For you see, I wish to travel, to see the world, to meet peoples that I may never be able to meet currently, to eat foods that my palate has never tasted.

Is this such a bad thing, to yearn these things? To see the beauty that the world has to offer?

How can I, this persona non grata, find the weighs and means to do this? I wish not to have money to have a big fancy house, nor to drive some fancy expensive automobile, but to see the beauty of the world with someone that wants the same.

Perhaps this is the source of all of this, is absolute loneliness. I have no one to share this with. Someone that is willing to, on a near whim, go forth to experience new things and sensations that neither of us have been privy to before.

A someone special as it were.

Perhaps someday....