Listen

I have started to realize a new truth in life, a truth that life will speak to you constantly until you realize what life is trying to say to you and you start to listen.

I know this is going to be very vague sounding but trust me, you will realize this truth when it starts to happen to you.

Some people will say that this isn't life speaking to you but that it is destiny; I don't believe in destiny or pre-ordination, I refuse to. I believe it can lead to apathy towards life. If you are a meth addict living in a cave with your enabling boyfriend/girlfriend, you shouldn't believe that is your lot in life, that there is no way for you to ascend to something more or better. I believe that everyone has the chance to be rich in their life.

Ok, back to my original train of thought.

If your young, you most likely haven't lived long enough to come to this realization, to see this pattern that life may present to you beckoning you to change. Those of an older generation reading this may have noticed during their lifetime a few of these truths; albeit if they listened to life or not, is not quite the question of this blog at this point. These truths come as re-occurring themes in a standard pace throughout life. There is no set time table as to when a truth may be revealed to you, but when it occurs you should be ready to listen.

A truth may be constant job opportunities of a better job, love beckoning for your attention with constant attention from the opposite sex or same, constant callings for travel when you may never. We should open our sub-consciousness to help us to better notice these trends when they start to appear. Life will not continue to attempt to show us these things or wait for us for eternity on the off chance that we may finally pull our head out of our ass to wake up to that truth that has been constantly shown to us for some time. Many times we do not realize these truths until they have stopped and we are left in the desert of the end of what was trying to be told us.

I'll give you an example.

Someone that I know through friends of friends is in a self-imposed island of loneliness because of past love experiences and is tired of being hurt by men. Now she has several men that are vying for her attention, but she wishes not to date them for the simple fact she does not wish to be hurt once again. I believe that life is letting her know that it is time for her to open up once again to the thought and idea of love and being loved by someone else. I believe that life will only afford this vision of this truth for a short amount of time and if you fail to notice this; when life stops showing this to you, you will be left in the dark, out in the cold, wandering the desert so to speak.

Listen to what life has to say to you when it starts talking. Take the time to notice the patterns that may be showed you, you just may be on a path to better things that will make you richer in life.

Admiration

Recently I went to a party that a friend was throwing for the simple fact to throw a party; those are always the best kind. It was also her brothers 18th birthday, so it was sort of included as well.

There was food, music, great friends, some cake, some beer, stories of past funs told, but the whole experience was worth more than the price of admission.

Towards the end of the party as the last few stragglers are being herded towards our vehicles; in but the most of cordial and nicest of ways, I happened to notice something you don't tend to see everyday in one of the hosts face...admiration.

Not towards me by no means; well at that time anyways, everyone admires me to some degree, but towards her father.

As her father was telling his stories of hunting in Alabama, you could not help to but notice the absolute look of admiration upon my friends face towards the man. It was a look of someone entranced by not only the words in his story but the voice that was speaking them, someone that was living those moments with him at that time, even though they were not present then.

This is not a look that you see to often anymore these days. Most people look at each other with contempt, with dis-satisfaction or a loathing that prevents them from enjoying someone elses companionship or to be regaled by the stories that they may tell. I for one do not believe that I have ever looked upon someone with a look of admiration such as my friend has; especially towards my father.

She has a very special connection with her father, one that I can only be jealous of and the love they must surely share with it.

Numb / Hospitals

The stress has finally gotten to me, to the point that I wish to be numb from life. To feel no emotion what so every to be void of all pleasure and pain that living has to offer.

Especially from sorrow. That little emotion leaves a hole in your heart, a void that takes forever to fill again if to be ever filled. I no longer wish to hurt inside from the loss of loved ones, from the pain that comes with it, the hurt. To be able to walk around without feeling anything anymore, to be a stone face in life so to speak.

The only thing that keeps this from truly wanting this to be a reality is the fact that I do enjoy the moments of happiness and contentment that I get in the fleeting moments when I do get them. I owe most of those moments from my mother and my most dearest of friends that tend to keep my sanity by being around them.

This is only a commentary and a way of venting to prevent cracking, so no need to worry.

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I have come to the conclusion that hospitals, not God, is the Alpha and Omega of today.

Now before you fire up the keyboard preparing to send of some incendiary email, hear me out.

Think about it for a moment. Most people are born there, many die there it is the beginning and end of many peoples lives.

The only times that we go to the hospital is if we are really sick or visiting someone that is there. Any other time we avoid it like the plague, not wanting to mention it and keeping away.

Personally I hate hospitals on the simple and very basic principal of being traumatized as a child when I was admitted with pneumonia.

Now I keep away no matter what. I know that sounds selfish and somewhat a bit self-involved to not visit loved ones, but hospitals creep me out. I cannot even be comfortable in them even for being there in some sort of joyous reason, like the birth of a child. If they make me feel that way with new life, imagine with the sunset of one.

Don't get me wrong, I will go, but don't expect me to stay very long and if you are potentially not going to make it, you may not even see me. I'll prefer to remember you they way you were, so do not judge me.