Celebrity

I want to be a celebrity.

Not a super-famous, ultra-rich Mel Gibson or Nicholas Cage but a quasi-famous with a loyal following of mindies (pronounced mind-ee-s, sort of like my name, mind-es; NOT mind-ez or meend-ees) to be there to support all of my horrible endeavors into entertainment as well as the massive popular successes.

Of course that means I either need to move to Hollywood to get a chance at stardom to be able to realize this dream; form a band and become wildly popular with crazed half-naked wimmenz throwing themselves at me; become a comedian to have the world laugh at my awesome sense of humor; or be the next Stephen King and write a plethora of books that make me famous.

Really I am hoping this little blog will take off and lead me to the greatness that I am destined for but so far I am still waiting for that ship to pull into the station.

Now what to do with my new found celebrity status, money, power and influence?

Oh, I know, I'll start some fucking feel good non-profit organization to have my fans shell out their hard earned cash to support just because my name and ugly mug happens to be poster boarding.

That seems to be the way that celebrities do things.  Become famous through their trade, make lots of money, spend money on ridiculous amounts of stupid shit and just when their famous-ness starts to fade, start up some organization to help overweight kittens escape possible devouring by malnourished children in Thailand.

Like today I saw an ad for some foundation by Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore with their doe-ful eyed faces asking for us to support their cause.

I barely have enough to support my cause of buying beer to get drunk while watching porn on my computer.

Ok.  I just looked up Demi and Ashton's cause...it's to end child sex slavery.  I feel like an ass now.

Just a little.

Not gonna stop me though.

Good luck with that little endeavor of stopping child sex slavery.  I'm sure if you ask real nice like, the richer than you dirty bastards that buy children for sex slavery will just go, "Damn, you are SSSOOOO right.  My bad."

Me personally, when I get rich and popular, I am going to try to keep those sex abused kiddos from eating the overweight kittens with your money.

My money will be used for an on site brewery so I will never have to go to the store ever again to buy beer.

Ever.

Again.

Less Or More

I go to a gym occasionally.

And I do mean, occasionally.

Like once or twice a week occasionally.

Which I know what you health freaks are thinking, "That is no way enough to get into any sort of shape and be healthy." You're right. It isn't.

I should really strive to go more often and watch how much I eat, as opposed to watching what I eat as a shovel it into the abyss that is my belly. Now is the perfect time to really get on the ball to get motivated since warmer weather is approaching and bathing suit season is nearing.

*Lisp* And I have got the cutest little black and purple dotted bikini picked out! It will fit in the most spectacular way and show off all of my lovely bits to attract all of the ladies. */lisp*

You cannot un-think that.

Seriously though, I was down to a sparsely 216 at one point in my life; which was through little working out, not much in the way of over indulgence in food and mucho gratuitous amounts of alcohol.

Maybe that is the path of least resistance for me at this point, less food, more working out and more alcohol.

I think I hear a beer saying some very un-kind things about my mother in the fridge, I must go teach it and some of his kin a lesson in manners.

Till next time, laters.