"I have six months to live."
Not much time to live a life that is less than exciting.
The news to my lover was quite shocking when I told her. The conversation was surreal in its frankness but was entirely not out of character for myself, even considering the news that was being delivered was out of the blue.
"Wh-what do you mean? I mean...how...how come? Why?" was her shocked reply.
"Not sure the why but I have six months. Some rare genetic disorder that the Doc found when I went for a checkup last week."
"Is it curable or treatable?"
"If is was curable I don't think that a six month shelf life would be placed on this packaging and to answer the other half of your question; no, is is not treatable."
"Well what are you going to do?"
"Die." I rather frank answer to a question that I knew was not asking for.
"This is no time for your jokes. I mean, in the meantime, what are you going to do?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Why nothing? I'm sure there is a lot that you haven't experienced in life yet that you would like to, so why not create a bucket list and check things off?"
"There is but why go through the last half year of my life rushing to do crazy life experiences just because I have a 'use by date' stamped on my forehead? You see it all the time when people only have 'x' amount of time left and now they are determined to live it to the fullest despite the fact that the entire time leading to this point they would rather sit on the couch watching TV letting life pass on by. Well you know what? I'm going to keep the course that I've been leading up to this point; going to work, hanging out with you, friends, family and living my life they I have been. No sense in trying to live some adventure of a lifetime or adventures just because I had no interest too when I was 'well'."
"Have you told your family...your mom?"
"No."
"Why not? Aren't you going to? You should at least tell your mom."
"No. I am not going to. I should tell her but she doesn't need that stress on her knowing that everyday is one day closer to the day I go to that great worm bed. As for the rest of my family, definitely not. Before you ask, I will not be telling friends, co-workers, the clergy, small children or goats of my impending passing. I do not want or need that sort of attention focused on me nor do I wish to have their sympathies as well, least of all while I am still alive."
"Why tell me? Why put me through that hell that you are not wanting to put before everyone else?"
"Because I love you."
"Funny way of showing it. 'Hey honey, I love you so much that in six months I will be dead.' You are an ass."
"Hon-"
"Don't honey me. You think this is fair to me? The man I love dearly; that I would hope to marry someday, to have kids with, tells me he is going to be dead in six months. Not to mention that on top of that, I get to be the only one to share in that joy as you are so much a little boy that you are too afraid to face the fact that you are dying and that you don't want the 'attention' and 'pity' from your family and friends that love you so dearly. But no, I get to keep this perfect little secret, keeping a straight face to your mom, to our friends, till that one day you just drop dead."
"I understand."
"No you fucking don't. You don't understand. If you did, you would tell...let everyone know...you would celebrate the rest of your life, but you would rather shoulder this burden on just our shoulders--"
"Your not shouldering anything."
"I'M NOT BURDENING ANYTHING? HOW...FUCKING...DARE YOU!! I have to face your mother tomorrow for lunch and not breakdown. When I see my parents, I cannot tell them, I cannot confide in anyone in case they happen to tell someone else. AND THAT IS NOT A BURDEN TO ME? You ASS, thinking that this is only a burden on yourself."
"I'm sorry."
"You're right, you are."
