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Saturday, February 14, 2009

Review Of Friday The 13th The Movie

So, here we have a movie review of Friday the 13th and you were probably thinking that this was going to be some rant on the day, not the movie.

Let’s start with the cast of characters: Jared Padalecki, who plays a brother of a girl who goes missing earlier in the movie, this character seems to be the same one he plays on Supernatural, sort of. Juliann Guill; who looks a lot like Amanda Bynes, but Juliann has bodacious tits and dies. There are others in the movie, but I’m really not interested in putting of them in here. Just know this, they all die.

If I spoiled the movie for you, tough.

Do you really think anybody survives Jason?

Now the movie has about 15 minutes of set-up which you get to meet Mr. Voorhees in this new era of horror. Jason does what he does best, scares you and kills them; sometimes he does it quite outside the normal Jason ways. I’ve never known Jason to use a bear trap before; but then again, I haven’t seen all of the previous films. By the way, I like my Canadian hotties crispy on the outside, but still tender in the middle.

The rest of the movie is filled with your regular young people partying, smoking pot, fornicating and dying. Almost every girl is topless in the movie at some point, only the last two girls to make it to the end remain clothed fully through the entire thing, which kinda suck.

For what the movie is; a re-telling of a classic horror film, it’s decent. It makes Jason a smarter killer; he uses a trap and electricity, go figure. No longer is he a lumbering, stalking behemoth that kills everything in his path, but now he's a thinking, lumbering, stalking behemoth that kills everything in his path.

I give it a 5 out of 10, fucking 10!

Hell, it’s better than The Unborn, which had no nudity and a creepy little kid. This has a lot of nudity and a creepy grown little kid.