Welcome to my little corner of the world, this is where I rant, rave, kvetch or wax on nostalgic about anything and anyone that crosses my path at that moment in time.
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Showing posts with label dead. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dead. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


Each moment that passes the spade digs deeper and deeper into the earth. Each thrust into the moist soil removes more dirt that gets him closer to the buried casket. The sound increases every moment till the next noise is of the shovel hitting the casket lid with a thud.  More scrapping continues as more dirt is removed from the lid and then silence for a few moments.

Then with a pop and rush of fresh air, the lid opens to a moonlit night.  A lantern is waved in front of my face then placed off to the side to illuminate the open casket while he continues. Gently he brushes the dirt that had fallen on my face away. Tenderly stroking my cheeks and running his hands through my hair.

I wish to open my mouth to scream out but am unable to do so.  Fighting back does no good as the muscles of my body are too weak to lift themselves, let alone fight off a hundred plus pound man. I can only wait for it to end and for him to leave me in peace.

Being dead sucks.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Ghost Story

Remember that movie The Frighteners with Michael J. Fox? You know the one where he could see dead people that were stuck between this world and the next? In other words, he could see ghosts.

Yeah, that's my life. Not the seeing ghosts part, but the being a ghost part. I'm not some sort of old ghost from the past of long ago that haunts old mansions, hotels and cemeteries but a new age ghost from this century. Kinda cool, huh? When I was alive, I saw The Frighteners, had a cell phone, drove a car, owned a computer, had a family and I died.

My actual death I do not remember but I believe it had to be sudden as I do not remember having been sick for a lengthy time as if having cancer or such. I imagine it was sudden; perhaps a car accident or plane crash or maybe something epic. Like driving a car on a bridge, being hit by a plane, getting knocked off and crashing into the icy water below. I mean EPIC. If it was something pathetic like having a heart attack while watching porn and jerking off, I would kill myself.

That is, if I weren't already dead.

I'm not sure how I died, all I remember is being at the funeral seeing friends and family paying their last respects with tearful mourning and wailing With some asking the eternal question, "Why God, why?" It was a sad, pathetic affair. Not the mourning part, but to see some just falling out as they did; I know I was all that and all, but please for the sake of dignity, compose yourself accordingly. I suppose that was the time I was to make amends, say my goodbyes and such. Which I did, just like the movies tell you so you can move on but obviously they lie.

I know, big shocker there.

After the funeral I just hung around the house for a bit watching my wife and kids grow up and move on without me. The hardest part was seeing my wife remarry a year later. I was a little bitter about that and lashed out some. Breaking their wedding picture and knocking him down the stairs; it was juvenile but felt good at the time. Seeing the fear on my wife and kids faces, as well as hearing my six year old tell her mother that, "Daddy is mad at you Mommy for marrying our new Daddy," made me stop and rethink what I was doing.

So I left.

The part about ghosts haunting places or people, I guess could be true for ghosts that can't let go, but I wasn't stuck to just haunt my house or family as I was able to leave after lashing out.

I went and explored the world, saw the pyramids, Great Wall, Tower of London and every other place that I had wanted to while I was living, but never got the chance to. I was always looking for fellow ghosts or spirits while I was traveling but never found any. Even going to places that were described as being haunted, I never saw any hauntings or spirits there.

It has been 30 years since my passing, my children are grown with little ones of their own, my wife is living happily with her second husband in Ft. Lauderdale living the good life.

I'm not sure what will happen in the future; if I'm destined to continue this wandering for eternity as my own personal Hell or if I'll move on when my true love passes on. I do know that not having anyone to talk to, communicate with, this loneliness, is what is the big suck.

If this is Hell, I thought I lived right. If this is purgatory, I hope God has mercy on my judgement; as this seems like Hell to me. If there is no God, then I pray for reincarnation so as to start anew and live the way I should.