Lacking

I'm in a rut, creatively that is.

Seems I have so many ideas of things to do but just can't seem to get things out of my head into some sort of reality, into some sort of tangible thought beside the nebulous fog that it resides in.

Like?

Writing for one. This was a passion but now when I go to fill this space, my head goes blank as soon as I open the app to start tippy tappin' words, even though three seconds earlier I may have had words and thoughts formed fully fledged that just needed to be placed.

The fog is real.

Then there is drawing,/doodling/designing/etc. that pops into my head that, again, is fully fleshed but cannot seem to make it to reality. I try to make an earnest go to get things right but it looks like a fridge drawing that I have to Mom as a child. I try to perfect it but frustration sets in then depression in that I'm unable to get things set just right and then finally, abandonment. If I save it, usually this is done on my phone, I'll probably not come back to it at any point because those feelings come rushing back.

Building stuff, though done with the best intentions are a huge fail. Regardless if ample time was set aside for planning, designing, measuring, etc. the final product feels like crap and tends to be mended many times before it remains stable enough to not break every month.

The lack of ability to communicate ably recently has been a real crusher. Words elude me when trying to write them, say them or think of them. I feel lost without the intelligence to come back to the way.

It's a beautiful day outside and I'm weighted to this couch by this enormous nothing of indecisiveness. What to do today? Start laundry like I mentioned to my wife earlier? Do more hedge trimming and strive for that heat exhaustion/stroke in earnest? Continue the endless cycle of Facebook scrolling with the occasional flip to Reddit, then back again? Perhaps a repose between the those two of a quick game, then back?